In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
