Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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