she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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