Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
