Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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