Ambien. No doubt about it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
