There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
