these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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