I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
