My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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