Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All the doctor said was why
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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