I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
