I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
