Already got asked if we're dating
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she pinky promised me she was 18
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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