I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
