just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
