alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
