I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
