god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i believe in u and ur pee
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