"it" just moved
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
