Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is