i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.