if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
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the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.