I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
