Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
