oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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