Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
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okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My liver just had a heart attack.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.