i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.