So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS