I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.