It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.