My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
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Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.