I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's always time for handjobs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND