Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..