you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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