I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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