I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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