I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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