i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
