i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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