the condom got lost in my hair
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
