Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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