Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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