Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
