She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize