there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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