She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
