Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
