Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
