R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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