I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you