Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.