so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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