I will die if light touches me.
this boner is exhausting
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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