I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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