Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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