There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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