Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I want is dick and wine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
