the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible