Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.