he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho