I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me