she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies