Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force